It was just like any other day. I was in the living room working while plugging in to my music playlist. Mom happened to be out to buy lunch for dad and myself while my brother had moved out a few months ago after being newly married.
Suddenly, I heard faint banging sounds… At first, I tried to ignore it, but when the banging persisted, I quickly went to the room my dad was in. To my shock, I found him lying on the mattress in cold sweat and could not move. My dad had tried to call for help by using his hand to bang on the nearest cupboard door…
Not knowing what was going on and what to do, my dad requested for his Blood pressure tablet that he had forgotten to take in the morning, while I tried to move his limbs to circulate his blood flow.
When I realized that my dad’s limbs still could not move after 15 mins, I decided to call my mom to come home quickly and shortly after, called 995.
“Your dad had a stroke”
Following the doctors giving our family a name to my dad’s condition, it was day in and out of the hospital and then transferring to a community care facility after his condition had stabilised. For more than a month, dad stayed in the community facility before coming home.
Till date, it has been more than 6 months since the stroke, and my dad is still on his journey to full recovery.
Here are some of the treasures I found in the dark season.
It’s ok to go slow
Everyone’s journey to regain mobility differs after the stroke. There were many days I wondered “how long this recovery is going to take” in hopes of going back to our life before. I realised that when it comes to pain, we love to receive “instant healing”, without recognising that most of the time, we must go through a long process to reach the other side.
One of my favourite moments in this journey has been bringing my dad out to walk. It is often not to very fancy places but to the nearest park or even coffee shop. Even though my dad would take a relatively longer time to navigate from one destination to the other, I love that just by accompanying him has taught me to slow down my pace and observe the little things in my surrounding.
It’s ok to miss out
Having to share caregiving responsibilities with my mom and brother meant that I won’t be able to participate or hang outside for too long. For a period of time I had to miss lunches, gatherings and even going back to the office in order to share the caregiving load.
It might seem like a sacrifice from the outside in, but I don’t feel like I missed out on anything because I knew my priority had to be my family in this season. In fact I am so thankful I get to spend extensive amount of time with my family; having led quite individual lives before…
I am also extremely grateful for my mom and brother whom I know sacrificed much more than what I had to, due to the unique season they were walking through personally as well.
It’s ok that roles have reversed
Having been taken care of by my parents for the most bulk of my life, I see it as a privilege to take care and consider their needs now. One of the things dad used to do which was something I had to take over was doing the laundry. I’m a little embarrassed to say that I never knew how to operate a washing machine prior, because I never needed to.
These are the little things that made me aware and recognise how my dad has loved and contributed to our family in his own special way.
Embrace the hard season
Someone once said that “you cannot bring someone to where you have never been, and you cannot give someone what you do not have”.
Having gone through this season (and still walking through) has given me a clear perspective of what is most important to me, given me empathy with the people around me and honestly forged a huge amount of patience and perseverance in me.
If you would embrace the season you are in, you will find your treasure in the darkness.
